Devil, thy name is Myspace

More like a place for evil. It's too
late for me but save yourselves!I like to consider myself an independent thinker and someone who can live his daily life without succumbing to ridiculous trends. But then reality hits and no matter how hard I try, I am simply human and susceptible to these attacks. The most recent of these failures of will: Myspace.

I don’t really remember how it started, much like how it’s hard to remember where that screenplay idea came from or how you ended up in bed with this person whose name you can’t remember, but someone must have invited me to start a page. For about a year I only lightly maintained my profile and waved my hand non-chalantly if someone mentioned we should be Myspace friends. Sure, why not. No harm in that.

But then suddenly over Christmas break, I got bored. And when you get bored, nothing is more entertaining than flipping through page and page of people’s pictures and life stories, seeing who all you can meet, discovering that your friend has all these gorgeous other friends you had no idea existed, and so forth. Plus, when the working day thins out and there are only so many games of Solitaire one can handle, it becomes a game to see how many random people you can get to be your friend, how many comments you can get people to leave you, and how many chain letters you can post to the bulletin boards. So now I’m totally hooked…and totally screwed.

As is fitting for someone who needs to admit defeat to such a system, I have collected my favorite chain letter questions from the multitudes flying around Myspace. Please enjoy, and don’t forget to go to my Myspace profile (please…I need my fix!).

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1) Have you ever wanted to have sex with a friend? But of course. That’s what they’re for.

2) Have you ever been really drunk? This question is on almost all of them and it’s ridiculous. If we’re doing chain letters, chances are we’ve been pretty drunk at least once.

3) Have you ever dreamed something crazy and then it happened the next day? Well yes, but I came to class in my underwear on purpose.

4) Are you for world peace? Probably not. I plan to profit off the suffering of the embattled nations of the world with my line of “Go Palestine” and “Go Israel” pennants and t-shirts. Also, I will sell peanuts.

5) In the last 48 hours have you talked to someone? Yes, if you count my alternate personalities. Actually, it’s more like they talked to me. I can’t stand them.

6) In the last 48 hours have you dreamed about someone you can’t have? Well, sort of. Does it count that the only reason Brad won’t be with me is because his nuptials with Angelina won’t expire for another year? He says after that we can move to Brokeback.

7) What food makes you want to yack? Yak meat.

8) Biggest pet peeve? People trying to make me eat yak meat.

9) Who is the shittiest historical figure? Maybe Aaron Burr? His entire legacy is based on a peanut-butter eating man who can’t pronounce his name properly.

10) Where is a place you’d never be caught dead? In Buenos Aires. They want me alive.